Tell me about your childhood- was it happy? Nobody has a perfect family, so don’t try to feed me some Norman Rockwell painting, because I won’t buy it. Life is tough, and so I’m willing to bet that you had some good times that you cling to desperately in your memory, but I’m guessing that there is also some really bad stuff that you wish you could sweep under the rug and never consider again.

Now imagine your childhood and pretend that you’re in control. If your dad was an abusive drunk, then imagine the kind of dad you always wanted him to be. If your mom was always gone, or yelling, or crying, imagine her face looking at you with the approval you always wished for but maybe never received. Just for a minute, choose what you wish your childhood had been.

Now ask yourself: which picture does your child see? I’m not trying to make you feel guilty for not being like a perfect family from the ‘50s. I’m asking you to think about which mom or dad your kids see most often in your face- the one you had, or the one you wished you had?

Here’s the thing about generational cycles: they will naturally repeat unless you make a DECISION to CHOOSE something different as your future. Not considering your past in the context of your child’s life will nearly guarantee that you will treat them as you were treated. It almost promises them the same financial situation, the same education, and the same relationships that you grew up with. Did you ever notice that while some people choose to carry around a chip on their shoulder because of what somebody did to them, others choose to let the past motivate them to take control and NEVER let it happen in their family again? Did you ever stop to think that the very things that you think ruined your life might be exactly what you’re doing to your kids right now?

Major life changes don’t happen overnight, except in a Hollywood script. But here’s what you can choose right here, right now, that will have an immediate effect on your family: what face does your child see when you look at them? How does your look define your feelings for them? Do they most often see unconditional love? Or do they see irritation? How you look at them decides how they define themselves. How often do you smile at them? How often do you look them in their eyes? How often do you even look at them at all?

It has been said that our eyes are the window to our soul- what we forget is that our eyes are also mirrors to anyone who looks at us. Our faces reflect our feelings and when children are trying to define themselves they rely on how they see themselves in the eyes of the adults around them.

Now that you’ve considered your childhood, and you’ve seen the childhood you’re providing for your own kids, what are you going to do about it? Will you complain about the past but do nothing about it, or will you choose- right now- to look at things differently? Will you pay attention to the future that you’re creating today? You can’t change the past, but the future is up for grabs. It’s your choice.

You have just enjoyed an excerpt from the 180 Program Curriculum if you are interested in learning more or becoming part of our virtual mentoring program contact us here

Last night… I was privileged to take part in the beginning stages of 2010 Angel Tree program. The “REAL” Angel Tree program was started actually by Mary Kay Beard, a woman who was on the FBI’s top 10 most wanted list, she was a safe cracker. While doing her prison time Christmas came along and that is when the church groups show up with goodie bags full of soap, shampoos, toothbrushes (you get the picture). As they went back to their cells Mary Kay witnessed the women sitting together bartering and making piles. She soon realized this woman has 1 child, this one has 3, the women were making piles based on the number of children so that when the Christmas visits came along they would have something to give their child(ren). Well she did her time and was hired by Prison Fellowship (now there is a lot to her story that I did not tell but you can read it “Rogue Angel”). Her first project when she was hired was to come up with a Christmas project. She remembered the women and knew what she needed to do. We need to make sure that they children of these women get presents from their parents and we will use people as the delivery agent. So she set out to make a difference because she said “what child seriously wants a bar of soap for Christmas”?
So fast forward to 2009 Christmas, Against the Grain adopted 2 families; we solicited help from our volunteers and moms and we bought gifts. Then we delivered them, but here is the clincher they were told we were just a delivery service but these gifts are from your “father”. To see the children light up and get these gifts was a great Christmas present for me. We also took one of our volunteer/lawyers with us and his wife. As we were in the home praying and handing out gifts the lawyer noticed something and asked “your son did not by any chance wrestle in High School”? Yes he did was the response. The lawyer quickly realized that this man in Prison was once a teenager that he looked up to because the lawyer was also a wrestler at the same high school and this then teenager was a great wrestler with State Titles.

Now fast forward to last night August 10, 2010… it is time to sign up the men’s Maximum Security Prison for Angel Tree. I decide I want to be on the beginning side to see how it works and be able to help even more. Well I am use to going in to the Jail so that did not disturb me I knew the rules; No cell phones, No purses, just your ID and keys. As we entered the prison yard (yes it was just like it is on TV) I realized I was not in Mayberry anymore. The first unit we went to was very calm not many of the guys were in their cells (which were locked and you had to talk through steel doors and pass things through the crack on the side), but they were outside in what I considered baseball batting cages. Some were playing cards and another group was playing hand ball. Only one gentleman there had children under the age of 17… they were 5 and 3. He filled out the papers and we talked just as you and I would talk, the only difference is that he will never get to play handball with his children EVER… you see his crime was bad enough that he received the death penalty for his choices.
We finished and were led out by a prisoner and the Chaplin. The Prisoner was kind of giving us a tour… and just matter of fact he says, “and here is the execution room, this is the viewing room. Tennessee does own an electric chair but default method is lethal injection”. So matter of fact, it was like me when I was a Realtor… now here are the schools that the children would be going to, look it even has a pool in the neighborhood… what here is the execution room”. I cried like a baby all the way home, not because we have the death penalty or punishments that fit the crimes, but because we have become so callous to letting people in when we are hurting.
Would it had made a difference to one of those 80 plus gentleman on Death Row if someone had taken the time to say “I love you. Son I am proud of you. Lets make good choices today because you never know what’s going to happen, Son. Or were they told you are “no good” “you are going to end up just like your dad” Or was no one even home to be a role model good or bad so they relied on video games or movies to look for guidance. Did anyone ever give them a hug? (Did you know that we as humans need 10 NON SEXUAL touches a day, also for every negative you say it takes 10 positives to outweigh the negative?)

CHOICES… we make good and bad choices every day and they come with good and bad consequences.  CHOICES…. what is your choice today?

Did you know that each choice and action you make, matters. Also each choice and action you don’t make, matters just as much…. have you ever been in the lake or ocean?  Standing there not paying attention just looking off towards shore or off in the distance, and before you know it you are a ways out from shore and now you are wondering how in the world you are going to get back in to shore?  Well this is what happens when you don’t make a choice.  That choice is made for you with the tide, waves and current. By not making a choice you made a choice.  Now your job figure out how to get back to shore!!! This is the same with choices (goals) by not making choices/goals they will be made for you. So the choice is yours… is it going to be a good choice with good consequences or a bad choice with bad consequences.

Question for you….The people that you hang out with do they help you….get to your goal in life?
Yes or no
If yes how do they help you?  If No then why do you call them friends?

Today is a new day and you need to choose what you really want in life….If you are reading this that means you are still alive and you have another day to make the right choice.  Make your day count because remember you matter.

What is it that you really want to do with your life today?  If money was no object and you were guaranteed success what would you do starting today? Have you ever been allowed to dream?  Remember when you were a child what did you dream of being?   What happened to your dreams? Do you believe that you can still achieve your dreams?  If not why not?  If you believe you can achieve your dreams how are you going to accomplish them?  Are there obstacles standing in your way?  If yes what are the obstacles?  If there are no obstacles then why have you not accomplished your dreams? Have you ever been told things in the past that make achieving your dreams seem impossible? If the answer is yes what was said, if you weren’t I will ask again why have you not achieved your dreams?

Do you remember the old saying:

Sticks and Stones may__________my___________But words will __________ _________ _________.                                                                                                                                             Do you believe its true? I don’t because words hurt bones heal. Words come with actions that may have lasting affects until you grab hold of the lies that people are telling you and make good choices for yourself you will continue to make bad choices that have bad consequences.. Start today making a difference in your own life so that in the long run you will make a difference in someone else’s.

You have just gone through part of the 180 Curriculum if you are interested in learning more or becoming part of our virtual mentoring program contact us here