Tag Archives: decisions

Letting Life Happen-Making Life Happen

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Body language we all use it. Intentional or unintentional.

Yesterday while teaching in jail one of the participants who was new, just sat there with arms folded and a stern look on her face.  Her body language was: I cannot believe I came to this class, this is stupid and I am better than this.

I continued to speak and handed out papers. I wanted them to fill out an “ILP- Individualized Life Plan”.  This guided them to make decisions as to where they wanted to be in 90 days, 6 months, 2 years and 5 years.  As I was asking the questions the ladies were writing their answers and everyone would answer except for this particular lady whose “body language” was closed off.

We finished the 90 day page and I asked a question:  Based on your past life experineces, how are you going to get there?  So I went to the board and showed them this:  An Event has happened which created an opinion about yourself, which then created an expectation (good or bad) which was then followed by an action.  This cycle is called “letting life happen”.

letting life happen_1

So this cycle continues until you see yourself worthy enough to make the change.  Or until you let someone into your life that will hold you accountable to make the changes that you wish to see. For most people they are so far in the cycle of “letting life happen” that they can’t even start to imagine a different life. The bondage of life is so bad, but it’s all they know so it’s comfortable- plus they don’t want to hear the “I told you it wouldn’t work” by someone in their past that still has a hold on them, this could be a parent, relative or a past significant other that they have a child with.

Now back to the “ILP”.  I showed them by flipping the cycle just 180° they will now enter a cycle of “Making Life Happen”


Making life happen_1

So back to my lady in class:  Her body language has now totally changed and you can see that the wheels are turning. And I ask her “so what do you think?”  She says, “Since July I have been wondering why I can’t get a court date until next month and why I am sitting back in that cell…. But now I know; I was locked up so I could see this.  I have been floundering for the past 2 years and knew that it was about to end nowhere good, but I could not stop it”.

She went on to say that she was caught up in the “I’ll never be good enough or good as” thought process.

I looked at her and said “Don’t let Satan use your thoughts that you will never be good as or good enough to be forgiven.  When God forgives he forgets; Satan just uses our low self esteem and low self confidence to keep us in the bondage of worthlessness, and that we aren’t worthy to be someone of importance.”

So what is it that God is asking you to change in your life but you are so used to “letting life happen” that you don’t see yourself worthy of attaining:

  • Finishing High School
  • College education
  • Teaching a Sunday School Class
  • Starting a Business
  • Being a good parent
  • Being a good spouse
  • ___________________________________________________

 

 

 

This content is from the 180 Program© New Beginnings Curriculum

One Smart Cookie

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10 years ago I had the privilege of meeting a 5 year old. He forever changed my life. He also has changed how I look at kids who have “attitudes”. As I have walked with this young man I wish I could turn back the hands of time and help him more. To love him was just not enough. His anger and hatred for the world and all authority has eaten him alive.
I remember one day the school giving us this answer when we asked if he could be tested for the gifted program: “when he gets his anger under control, then we will test him”.
Why do I bring this young man to the forefront of my blog today? Because I have 3 more years to try and reach him before he becomes a legal adult and I DO NOT want him to become a resident of our Correctional system. He has a great heart but growing up for so long in a fatherless home and then to grow up with a stepfather that has no rights to even tell him to clean his room (according to our state system), it seems that everyone has given up and said “well he’s going to just end up like his dad”.
Today I taught 135 men in the Ohio Prison. It was an amazing time teaching and I love what I do… but God stopped me in my tracks and said “what about the children? You can still help save the children.” During the talk I asked how many of the men were dads? About 90% or 122 men were dads. That means at least 122 children are growing up fatherless. At the end of the talk Rob (my awesome husband) asked the guys to go back to page 2 which was the genogram. As they turned there, Rob asked the question: “when your children get older what is their genogram going to say about you?” You can change today if you want.
As we finished our drive today in silence my heart was breaking. I wanted to scream and cry. What about the children? When we got to our hotel I started searching for the facts about children who live in fatherless homes and I am going to tell you the statistics scared me.
• 5 times more likely to commit suicide
• 32 times more likely to run away
• 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
• 14 times more likely to commit rape
• 9 times more likely to drop out of high school
• 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances
• 9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution
• 20 times more likely to end up in prison
Now for another stat:
Men and women who are incarcerated, their children are 70% more likely to end up in the Correctional system also. Not 70% of them will end up, but they have a 70% greater possibility of ending up in the correctional system.
But I already knew these statistics I just did not know the numbers. How did I know these stats existed because I have lived it for the past 10 years doing inner city ministry. I have seen my share of the behavioral issues just as I stated at the beginning but I do not put these stats here for you to say “oh poor baby”. I wrote this in hopes you will join me in being an Image Builder for a child or a 180 person for a teen or adult. Before you decide let me finish with what I am asking of you.
How do we fix the problem: RELATIONSHIPS: Relationships with the fathers to teach them how to be good dads. RELATIONSHIPS: Relationships with the mothers to teach them how to be good moms. In the 180 Program we talk about getting a “Board of Directors”, well it’s going to take YOUR time and effort to make this successful. And how do we reach the kids? Its by becoming an Image Builder in your local school. Working with a child who is academically at risk of becoming one of the statistics mentioned above.
So it all boils down to 2 things:
1. RELATIONSHIPS
2. EDUCATION

Are you in? For more information please contact us: info@atghope.org home of the 180 Program and the Image Builders Program.

defining moments at Starbucks

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This morning as I was reading, it was talking about choices we make every day: Paper/plastic; this road or that road.

When making choices, the movie “You’ve Got Mail” comes to mind: “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino.”

Whether you believe that last statement or not, ponder it for just a minute. You get all kinds of people shopping at “coffee” shops. But, if you took each person for who they are outside the walls of the “coffee” shop, can they even make a decision that will help them get to the top of the mountain to success?

Before you shut me out, success here is NOT monetary; it is life decisions that will allow you get to the top of the mountain.

From my reading this morning it says that we need to listen for God’s whisper in our hearts and to the acquired wisdom of family and friends when we are making choices. This is great advice right? Or is it? For some, we have very successful family and friends so listening to their acquired wisdom would be great.

But what about those whose family and friends have lots of wisdom, it’s just bad wisdom. It’s the wisdom, that if you take it, your chances of ending up addicted to drugs, alcohol, or being a resident of the county jail, rehab center or worse yet 6 feet under, are greater.

As we get to really know our new friends in the county jails, the parents are starting to open up and we are finding out that their charge partner (i.e. partner in crime) is THEIR CHILD. So I know that the last paragraph I wrote is true.

Think about the single mom who was never shown how she could afford to go to college. All she was told; it is too expensive. Did anyone take the time to say these words “yes, college is expensive, BUT it is doable and let me show you how”.

So for some people, going to family and friends for wisdom may not be such a good idea. But if they shouldn’t go to their family and friends who then?

Consider using your wisdom to empower someone else to get to the top of the mountain. Consider using your gifts in a mentoring relationship contact us today for more information.