Tell me about your childhood- was it happy? Nobody has a perfect family, so don’t try to feed me some Norman Rockwell painting, because I won’t buy it. Life is tough, and so I’m willing to bet that you had some good times that you cling to desperately in your memory, but I’m guessing that there is also some really bad stuff that you wish you could sweep under the rug and never consider again.

Now imagine your childhood and pretend that you’re in control. If your dad was an abusive drunk, then imagine the kind of dad you always wanted him to be. If your mom was always gone, or yelling, or crying, imagine her face looking at you with the approval you always wished for but maybe never received. Just for a minute, choose what you wish your childhood had been.

Now ask yourself: which picture does your child see? I’m not trying to make you feel guilty for not being like a perfect family from the ‘50s. I’m asking you to think about which mom or dad your kids see most often in your face- the one you had, or the one you wished you had?

Here’s the thing about generational cycles: they will naturally repeat unless you make a DECISION to CHOOSE something different as your future. Not considering your past in the context of your child’s life will nearly guarantee that you will treat them as you were treated. It almost promises them the same financial situation, the same education, and the same relationships that you grew up with. Did you ever notice that while some people choose to carry around a chip on their shoulder because of what somebody did to them, others choose to let the past motivate them to take control and NEVER let it happen in their family again? Did you ever stop to think that the very things that you think ruined your life might be exactly what you’re doing to your kids right now?

Major life changes don’t happen overnight, except in a Hollywood script. But here’s what you can choose right here, right now, that will have an immediate effect on your family: what face does your child see when you look at them? How does your look define your feelings for them? Do they most often see unconditional love? Or do they see irritation? How you look at them decides how they define themselves. How often do you smile at them? How often do you look them in their eyes? How often do you even look at them at all?

It has been said that our eyes are the window to our soul- what we forget is that our eyes are also mirrors to anyone who looks at us. Our faces reflect our feelings and when children are trying to define themselves they rely on how they see themselves in the eyes of the adults around them.

Now that you’ve considered your childhood, and you’ve seen the childhood you’re providing for your own kids, what are you going to do about it? Will you complain about the past but do nothing about it, or will you choose- right now- to look at things differently? Will you pay attention to the future that you’re creating today? You can’t change the past, but the future is up for grabs. It’s your choice.

You have just enjoyed an excerpt from the 180 Program Curriculum if you are interested in learning more or becoming part of our virtual mentoring program contact us here